Allen was a small-town boy who had come
to visit Ted in the big city. One night, on his way to Ted's apartment and a
big cocktail party, Allen saw a lovely young brunette walk across the street
ahead of him and then start up the block. Allen followed her, marvelling at the
explicit quality of her walk. If ever Allen had seen a non-verbal message
transmitted, this was it! He followed her for a block, realizing that the girl
was aware of him, and realizing, too, that
her walk didn't change. Allen was sure this was a come-on. Finally, at a red
light, Allen summoned up his courage and catching up to the girl, gave her his
pleasantest smile and said, 'Hello.'
To his amazement she turned a furious
face to him and through clenched teeth said, 'If you don't leave me alone I'll
call a cop.' Then as the light changed, she churned off. Allen was stunned and
scarlet with embarrassment. He hurried on to Ted's apartment where the party
was in progress. While Ted poured him a drink he told him the story and Ted
laughed. 'Boy, you got the wrong number.' 'But, hell, Ted - no girl at home would
walk like that unless — unless she was asking for it.' 'This is a
Spanish-speaking neighbourhood. Most of the girls - despite outward appearances
- are very good girls,' Ted explained. What Allen didn't understand is that in
a culture, such as that of many Spanish-speaking countries, in which girls are
chaperoned and there are strict codes of social behaviour, a young girl can
safely flaunt her sexuality without fear of inviting trouble. In fact, the walk
that Allen took as a come-on would be considered only natural, and the erect,
rigid posture of a proper American woman would probably be considered graceless
and unnatural. Allen circulated through the party and slowly forgot his
humiliation.
As the party was breaking up, Ted
cornered him and asked, 'See anything you like?' ' That Janet,' Allen sighed. '
Man, I could really go for that—' ' Well, swell. Ask her to stay. Margie's
staying too, and we'll have dinner.' ' I don't know. She's just - like I
couldn't get to first base with her.' 'You're kidding.' ' No. She's had the
" hands off" sign out all evening.' 'But Janet likes you. She told
me.' ' But—' Bewildered, Allen said,' Then why is she so - so - I don't know,
she just looks as if she didn't want me to lay a finger on her.' 'That's
Janet's way. You just didn't get the right message.' 'I'll never understand
this city,' Allen said still bewildered,
but happy. As Allen found out, in Latin
countries girls may telegraph a message of open sexual flirtation, and yet be
so well chaperoned that any sort of physical ' pass' is almost
impossible. In countries where the
chaperoning is looser, the girl will build her own defences by a series of
nonverbal messages that spell out 'hands off'. When the situation is such that
a man cannot, within the rules of the culture, approach a strange girl on the
street, a girl can move loosely and freely. In a city such as New York where a
girl can expect almost anything, especially at a cocktail party, she learns to
send out a message saying 'hands off'. To do this she will stand rigidly, cross
her legs demurely when sitting, cross her arms over her breasts, and use other
such defensive gestures. The point is that for every situation there must be
two elements to body language, the delivery of the message and the reception of
the message. Had Allen been able to receive the messages correctly in terms of
the big city he would have been spared the embarrassment of one encounter and could
have avoided much of the uncertainty of the other.
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