Whose Responsibility ?

This time we move on to look at the issue of responsibility. This is often confusing. If I

make a comment to someone - even though it was kindly and sincerely meant - and

they get upset or take offense, is their upset my responsibility?

Take the example of a father who needs to tell his son it is time to go to bed, and no, he

can't watch the rest of the film on TV, he needs to sleep and be up in time for school.

The boy is angry and resentful and reluctantly goes to bed, feeling little love for me

even though my action was based on my love and care for him.

There is a principle here: another's choices and creations (which includes their

emotional responses) are their responsibility, not yours or anybody else's. In the same

way that jealousy is less than love, since it resents the other's freedom to choose, to be

themselves. This might seem like a cold or hard-hearted view but really it is based on

love and respect for the other person's freedom.

So what is your responsibility? What if you do something wrong. Take this example: I

promise my son to go to the circus with him, but then I'm too busy and don't have time

to go, and he is understandably upset. For me, breaking my promise has been a wrong

action on my part, and I would be responsible for it.

The conventional wisdom is that I have caused my son's grief. In truth however, it is

my son who causes his grief, not me. But yes, it was still be a wrong action since I

promised to take him to the circus and didn't. I am responsible for doing what I think is

right, according to my ethical judgment. If I do something wrong according to my own

ethics, I am responsible for that. I decided my work was more important than keeping

my promise - in retrospect I may realize I made a mistake, apologize to my son and

learn from that experience. I am not responsible for my son's reactions though, that is

his determinism, his freedom, his life.

If you do something you think is right and someone gets upset about it, even if you

could have predicted that, the upset is nevertheless that person's responsibility. And if

you do something you know (or later realize) is wrong and another person is upset

about that, their upset is similarly their own responsibility.

Another example: if you were to withhold doing personal development because your

partner has said they do not want you to change in any way, perhaps because of their

personal fears and insecurities, that is your choice. But if you consider making a better

life for yourself is the ethical thing to do - for the benefit of yourself and ultimately for

others too - and you tell your partner that and she gets upset, it is your partner who is

responsible for the upset - it is her interpretation of your actions that creates her own

upset, not your action in itself, which is a responsible action.

You can genuinely love someone whilst nevertheless doing something they don't like or

agree with. You do it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though you still

understand and have empathy for their different viewpoint (which causes their

emotional reaction) which they have created by their own choices and belief system.

If one only did things others can easily accept then the status quo would never progress.

That would truly be a trap. The solution here is better communication, leading to

increased understanding of each other's viewpoint, and therefore acceptance of the

differing personal realities.

There is a strong imprint in our culture to feel sad, guilty, etc. for painful emotions our

actions may cause to others. There's a general misconception that you are your

emotions. "I am angry" and "you make me angry". This is conditioning not truth. In

terms of cause and effect, it's a viewpoint at effect. Some say that to be happy, only do

what others can easily experience - it's the same lie.

The Church teaches "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you". I believe this IS

true, as if you are being ethical - acting from integrity, being true to your self - then it's

going to be OK for others to do the same to you. And if it isn't then you'd better re-think

whether you are indeed doing the right thing. It is one definition of a 'wrong' action:

that which you would not like another to do to you.

You are responsible for your choices, decisions and actions. For being true to your

judgment. For communicating with honesty and integrity, developing and maintaining

an open mind, and promoting understanding and empathy. For never compromising

your freedoms and rights nor trampling on another's. For always acting from the

primary motivation of love. That's all and quite enough.

Your Wake-Up Call

When I was quite young, someone told me, “If you want to be really successful, find out what God wants to you to do with your life and then dedicate yourself to achieving it”.

At the time, I didn’t really like that idea; I did not believe that my life could have any particular purpose and I did not think that anything God might have in mind would be of any interest to me in any case. Gradually, I have come to believe that what that person said to me, all those years ago, is true.

As human beings, we all share certain basic wants and needs: we have need for food, water, shelter, safety, love, respect and self esteem. We all share an in-built tendency, as Freud stated, to want to move away from pain and toward pleasure. This tendency is part of the human condition for our own good; it keeps us away from harm and generally helps us to make good choices. Most people settle for pursuing a career that satisfies these basic human wants and needs and never really think beyond them to what their life could be about.

Somewhere along the line, I came to realise that what God wanted for my life, and what I wanted, were one and the same thing. This understanding came after I had determined to find out what God actually wanted me to do with my life.

It was a profound moment for me. I gradually came to understand my inner hopes, dreams and deepest desires as being implanted by God. So pursuing God’s purpose for my life was, in fact, also pursuing my own purpose. When it really came down to it, I finally realised that I needed to look within to discover my own purpose and once I had found out what it was, it then became possible to dedicate myself to fulfilling it.

So my message to you is simple: it is time for you to wake-up! It is time for you to start thinking of your life in a different way. It is time for you to fulfil your dream - whatever that may be. That is why you are here on the planet right now. By finding and fulfilling your own unique purpose in life you will be living your life to the full.

It is my hope that you will begin to see yourself as a special person, with a truly unique purpose in life - because that is the truth!

Wrapping Up Yourself

Many people with anger issues have realized that it's connected with alcohol and/or drugs directly. You might be surprised to discover that it may be a tremendous help in your effort away from anger. Drinking causes emotions to flash and conversations on touchy subjects to come up. You never know what you might say to offend another individual with an anger disease. Stand back from alcohol if you want to have a chance of recuperating.

In reviewing the source of our anger it will help us to determine the answers we left out while our emotions had control. Emotions are our inventory and may control our sadness, joy and above all anger. Having trouble managing your emotions may cause you to suffer from anxiety, depressions and blowups.

Solutions include putting down your emotions, working out your frustrations in the gymnasium, or finding your own way of doctoring your issues. Either of these things will work for you, but you have to make certain it's a personal gain. If you pick something to help you out with anger it must be something you like and something that works for you. Everybody is different.

If the person doesn’t discover a way to command the emotions that bring on anger flare-ups, anger will most likely overcome them.

Vitamin C and Vitamin B Complex have been utilized for years to enhance the mind and help the patient deal with stress. Throughout this book you've started to find out many ways to cope with anger and grab a hold of your anger. Like: -

Ø Center on littler tasks at a time

Ø Slowly move forward to bigger goals when you're ready

Ø Learn to loosen up

Ø Write your issues down

Ø Take deep breaths when required

Ø Analyze your issues

Ø Exercise and yoga are great for unwinding your mind and body

Ø Take your time altering your issues

Ø Baby yourself

Ø Remind yourself daily you're moving towards recovery

Ø Keep your tension level low

Ø Practice what you preach to your youngsters

Ø Inform your acquaintances and family so they know about your problem and how          they may help you through it

Ø Self help groups

Ø Talk to your physician if nothing is helping your problem 

Proposed Work Must Interpret Certain Traits

In any event, and in respect of any proposed work, we must see and interpret certain traits in the things we are contemplating which promise points applicable to the problem before us, and then aligning cause and effect with the direction of our purposes, conclude upon a course of conduct that will secure our object.

This will be apparent in what follows. We maybe conversant with corn, as merchandise. But now we wish to grow it. Here it behooves us to be prospective, constructive, and practical. It is a question of bread, and a living competency. So, we must satisfy ourselves that the land is productive, and that we have the means for its cultivation.

And, therefore, the question of labor is considered: horses and men; their hire and board; and whether they are trustworthy, tractable, serviceable, etc. And, if we are satisfied on these points, our prospection is completed, and we go to work. But wherein consists the peculiarity of such informations? Only in this: They are rational powers held in reserve for the future. They mean business, but, for the present, it is only a proposed venture requiring special thought. Think of it!

The farmer has to control himself, lest he act prematurely. He must have command of natural forces, and bend them to his purposes. But in order to this, he must know them with a knowledge so searching that he can discern the supreme correlations existing between things individual, but capable of co-acting, if needed in furthering a contemplated result. In other words, he must shape his way to acts through the special considerations that go to establish them. I foresee that my account of preparatory informations will be imperfect, unless I allow for their effect in qualifying the mind itself for its peculiar work. A brief exposition of this must suffice.

Every accession of such knowledge adds to the mind's efficiency; for every efficiency is born of the mind in its proximate antecedent condition, and so carried over into the new birth. Hence comes the fact that all our informations become in time a psychological investment looking forward to conduct, and finally reappearing there as the result of our previous thoughts. For whilst thought is being trained, it is accumulating a fund of prospective informations which are in trenched in the faculties, and held over for future exigencies; acquisitions of the past reappearing as expert efficiencies of the present.

Indeed, if we have knowledge through an intelligent appreciation of facts, we must found on our previous acquisitions and present dexterity; every succeeding information being dependent on the view the mind can then take of its then wants. Wherefore, as we grow in knowledge, we augment the reserves of information which continue with

the soul as trained, or educated, efficiencies subject to our call. And yet, it is still true, that when we would do something new, we shall have to reform our outlook, somewhat. For we have to discover, and consider, not alone how to make use of our present

acquisitions, be they what they may, but how to meet wants which are just now responding to our sharpened apperceptions.