DONT COMPARE YOUR CHILDREN

It’s natural for parents to notice that one child is more cooperative or

better behaved in some ways than another child in the same family.

Comparing siblings, however, does not encourage better behavior, but

intensifies jealousy and envy. It also is likely that the child you compare

unfavorably may want to get even with the child you praise.

Instead of comparing one child unfavorably to another, comment

only on the behavior that displeases you. (“I see a brand new jacket on

the floor. That bothers me. This?  jacket belongs in the closet.” instead

of “Why can’t you hang up your clothes like your brother?”)

Also, avoid praising one child at the other's expense. (“You’re sure

better at picking up your toys than your brother.”) The child you're

praising may feel sorry for the sibling you are criticizing or the

child may feel superior and look down on the other child.

Sherry and John have 3 children —

Mark, 6, Julie, 4, and Todd, 1. Sherry,in her concern for Julie as “the middle

child,” got in the habit of pointing out Julie’s good behavior to Mark. For

instance, she would say, “Mark, look how Julie is cleaning up her plate. See if you

can finish your dinner, too.” One day when Sherry asked the kids to pick up

toys, she heard Mark say to Julie, “I’m not going to pick up anything

.You’re  the one who does everything right.” ?  Sherry then made a commitment to

stop comparing Mark to Julie. The next day when she saw Julie hanging up her

jacket and Mark dropping his on the floor, she resisted the urge to compare

the children and said to Mark, “I see a coat on the floor that needs hanging up?.