OTHER CULTURES,OTHER LOOKS

The recognition of the eye as a means of communication,

or of a look as having special significance is nothing new.

Looking is something that has always had strong emotions

attached to it and has been forbidden, under certain

circumstances, in prehistory and legend. Lot's wife was

turned to a pillar of salt for looking back, and Orpheus

lost Eurydice by looking at her. Adam, when he tasted

the fruit of knowledge, was afraid to look at God.

The significance of looking is universal, but usually

we are not sure of just how we look or how we are looked

at. Honesty demands, in our culture, that we look someone

straight in the eye. Other cultures have other rules,

as a principal in a New York City high school recently

discovered. A young girl at the high school, a fifteen-year-old

Puerto Rican, had been caught in the washroom with a

group of girls suspected of smoking. Most of the group

were known troublemakers, and while this young girl,

Livia, had no record, the principal after a brief interview

was convinced of her guilt and decided to suspend her

with the others.

' It wasn't what she said,' he reported later.' It was simply

her attitude. There was something sly and suspicious

about her. She just wouldn't meet my eye. She wouldn't

look at me.'

It was true. Livia at her interview with the principal

stared down at the floor in what was a clear-cut guilty

attitude and refused to meet his eyes.

' But she's a good girl,' Livia's mother insisted. Not to

the school, for she was too much of a 'troublemaker' the

principal felt, to come to the authorities with her protest.

Instead, she turned to her neighbours and friends. As a

result there was a demonstration of Puerto Rican parents

at the school the next morning and the ugly stirrings of a

threatened riot.

Fortunately, John Flores taught Spanish literature at

the school, and John lived only a few doors from Livia

and her family. Summoning his own courage, John asked

for an interview with the principal.

'I know Livia and her parents,' he told the principal.

'And she's a good girl. I am sure there has been some mistake

in this whole matter.'

'If there was a mistake,' the principal said uneasily, 'I'll

be glad to rectify it. There are thirty mothers outside

yelling for my blood. But I questioned the child myself,

and if ever I saw guilt written on a face - she wouldn't

even meet my eyes!'

John drew a sigh of relief, and then very carefully, for he was
 too new in the school to want to tread on toes, he

explained some basic facts of Puerto Rican culture to the

principal.

' In Puerto Rico a nice girl, a good girl,' he explained,

' does not meet the eyes of an adult. Refusing to do so is a

sign of respect and obedience. It would be as difficult for

Livia to look you in the eye as it would be for her to

misbehave, or for her mother to come to you with a complaint.

In our culture, this is just not accepted behaviour

for a respectable family.'

Fortunately the principal was a man who knew how to

admit that he was wrong. He called Livia and her parents

and the most vocal neighbours in and once again discussed

the problem. In the light of John Flores' explanation

it became obvious to him that Livia was not avoiding

his eyes out of defiance, but out of a basic demureness.

Her slyness, he now saw, was shyness. In fact, as the

conference progressed and the parents relaxed, he realized

that Livia was indeed a gentle and sweet girl.

The outcome of the entire incident was a deeper, more

meaningful relationship between the school and the community

- but that, of course, is another story. What is of

particular interest in this story is the strange confusion of

the principal. How did he so obviously misinterpret all

the signals of Livia's behaviour?

Livia was using body language to say, 'I am a good

girl. I respect you and the school. I respect you too much

to answer your questions, too much to meet your eyes

with shameless boldness, too much to defend myself.

But surely my very attitude tells you all this.'

How could such a clear-cut message be interpreted as,

' I defy you. I will not answer your questions. I will not

look you in the eyes because I am a deceitful child. I will

evade your questions slyly—' The answer of course is a cultural one.
Different cultures have different customs and, of course, different

body language. They also have different looks and different

meanings to the same looks.

In America, for instance, a man is not supposed to

look at a woman for any length of time unless she gives

him her permission with a body-language signal, a smile,

a backward glance, a direct meeting of his eye. In other

countries different rules apply.

In America, if a woman looks at a man for too long a

period of time, she commits herself to a verbal approach.

Her signal says, ' I am interested. You can approach me.'

In Latin countries, though freer body movements are

permissible, such a look might be a direct invitation to a

physical 'pass'. It becomes obvious then why a girl like

Livia would not look the principal in the eye.

Again, in America, two men are not allowed to stare

at each other for more than a brief period of time unless

they intend to fight or to become intimate. Any man who

looks at another man for too long embarrasses and annoys

him and the other man begins to wonder just what he

wants.

This is another example of the rigidity of the rule of

looking. If someone stares at us and we meet his eye and

catch him staring, it is his duty to look away first. If he

does not look away as we engage his eye, then we become

uncomfortable and aware that something is wrong.

Again we become embarrassed and annoyed.